


My Eyelids Are Heavy, But My Thoughts Are Heavier.

by FangirltofanGod



Category: Sarah Jane Adventures, Sarah Jane Smith's Adventures
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Family, Insomnia, Love, Luke needs a hug, Too pure for this world, just an angsty fic because those kids would definitely have some psychological damage, luke smith is a cinnamon bun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:53:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6957319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirltofanGod/pseuds/FangirltofanGod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke Smith could never dream, then the Nightmare Man came. Now he can never sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 1 takes place the evening he moves into university (the next night after defeating the Nightmare Man)

Luke was exhausted.

He sat down heavily on his bed – who knew unpacking could take up so much energy? _Ah, well,_ he thought, _logically, spending these last few hours unpacking will increase my time left to sleep in tomorrow morning._

He pulled on his pyjamas and sent a quick ‘good night’ group text to his Mum, Clyde, and Rani, before plugging his phone in to charge and getting into bed.

Luke lay beneath the covers staring at the ceiling, he knew his body was tired, but his mind just couldn’t switch off. He’d had a few nights like this before, where they’d had a really busy or death-defying day and then he had lain awake just wondering at how everything could turn back to normal so quickly after such amazing adventures, before managing to fall asleep about half an hour later, so he wasn’t worried.

Over two hours later, though, Luke was beginning to get frustrated. He felt for his digital clock in the semi-darkness and groaned as the display showed 01:17.

“K9?” Luke whispered softly to the room. A whirring noise started up, and a red light blinked on from the opposite end of the room.

“How may I assist you, Master Luke?”

“Could you get the hallway light to turn off? I can’t get to sleep with it on”

“Affirmative, Master Luke.” Came the reply, and more whirring noises followed by the dimming of the light in the hallway finally plunged the room into complete darkness. “Is that satisfactory, Master Luke?”

“Yeah.” Said Luke, sinking back into his pillows, “Thanks, K9.”

He closed his eyes and tried to relax, but his heartbeat began to speed up, every tiny noise in the room sent a thrill of fear through him, the Nightmare Man’s face filled his memories, along with the visions of his Mum, Clyde, and Rani feeling angry at him, jealous of him, mocking him. His breathing sped up, it felt so real; Luke could remember the feeling of not being able to wake up, not being able to open his eyes, he was trapped, it was his fault, _his fault_ -

His phone buzzed loudly against the wood of the side table, and Luke thrashed out wildly, knocking it to the ground. He switched on the side lamp and wiped the sweat from his face, trying to calm his breathing. This was ridiculous, he had to sleep eventually. He glanced over the bed to see a new email from Maria displayed on the lock screen. Well, he might as well do something useful whilst he waited for sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Count down until the Christmas Holidays

Eight weeks later.

 

Luke stumbled in late to his 9am lecture, clutching a cup of coffee in one hand, and his bag in the other. The lecturer glanced at him with a mixture of annoyance and concern, and he mumbled an apology about there being a queue at the coffee shop, so she would go back to what she was saying. He dug around in his bag only to find his pencil case missing and stifled a groan. Ever since he had moved in, Luke was finding sleep impossible, he wasn’t having nightmares, because he never even got as far as falling asleep. He had to keep the light on, and have K9 keep him company through the night, until he managed a light doze for an hour or so as the sun was rising, and it was taking its toll.

Luke was forced to start taking notes in class because he couldn’t remember everything he was being told, and getting up in the morning was becoming incredibly challenging. He hadn’t told his Mum yet, or his friends, as he thought it would sort itself out at first, but then when it became obvious that wasn’t going to happen, he didn’t want to worry them. Anyway, Christmas holidays soon, once he was home, everything could go back to normal.

“Luke? Luke.”

And now he was zoning out. He wasn’t sure how much more of this he could take. Just a few more weeks, just a few more weeks…

“Luke, I’m going to have to ask you to stay behind after this lecture.”

Luke sighed, “Yeah, okay.”

Once class had finished, the lecturer sat down in the empty seat next to him. It was weird when teachers did that, he hadn’t been around long, but it always felt like teachers should only ever be at the front of a classroom, whilst you sat at the back.

“Luke, you’ve been slipping in class, you’ve been getting near perfect scores in everything, but you used to get… beyond perfect scores. I know you came to university early, is everything OK? Are you having some trouble, is there anything on your mind I can help you with?” She looked concerned, and Luke felt bad for not trying harder.

“No, it’s nothing, really. I just… haven’t been able to get a lot of sleep, that’s all.”

“How much sleep are you getting a night, would you say?” She asked, her eyebrows pinching together.

“A couple of hours a night,” said Luke, exaggerating slightly. The lecturer frowned.

“Have you gone to a doctor about this?” She asked.

Luke snorted, if a doctor took one look at him, he would probably end up in a lab. “Nah, I don’t think there’s anything they could do for me,” he said, raising one eyebrow sceptically.

“Or a psychologist?”

Luke almost laughed out loud, he wondered what a psychologist would say if he told them that literally from the moment he was born he had been fighting aliens, and it had finally made him crack?

“Maybe,” he said, mostly to stop her asking, “I’ll think about it, but I was hoping it would get better once I go home for Christmas.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” she said, looking unconvinced. “But please think about getting professional help or advice, education is very important, but your health, especially your mental health, is the most important. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.”

“Thanks, I’ll think about it.” He said again, and left to head for the library to work out what actually happened in today’s lecture.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke returns to Bannerman Road!

Luke smiled into his pillow at 13 Bannerman Road. It felt so good to be home, different, but good. It all smelt the same, familiar and welcoming, almost enough to lull him to sleep… But then he remembered what happened the last time he slept in this bed, and gave up on the idea of sleep pretty quickly.

He waited until all sounds of Sarah Jane going to bed had silenced, then leaned over the foot of the bed to where his tin dog was parked.

“Hey, K9? I’m going downstairs to watch some TV, you want to come with me?”

 “Affirmative, Master Luke.”

“Okay, cool, but you have to be quiet, I wouldn’t want to wake Mum up.”

“Understood. I shall operate in stealth-mode.”

“Good dog!” Said Luke, as he crept downstairs with K9 to the living room.

At university, he spent most of his nights awake with K9. After Clyde finished texting him at the end of a day, and Maria had signed off Skype, having K9 switched on during the hours he was most tired, made him feel a little bit safer.

Luke propped a pillow up against K9’s side and leant against it with the TV on low, finally able to relax for a few hours before his Mum would wake up.

“K9, don’t tell Mum about this, I know she’s going to find out anyway, there isn’t much you can keep from her, but I want to talk to her about it myself when I’m ready.”

“Understood, Master Luke, my primary function is to protect you, and I will perform with the upmost discretion.”

Luke smiled and absent-mindedly patted the tin dog’s head. “Good dog.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah Jane finds out - prepare for angst!

It was a few nights into the holidays before Sarah Jane figured out why Luke was so tired since he had returned home. It was actually quite by accident; Mr Smith had informed her just before she was going to turn in for the night that there would be an alien departure in the early hours of the morning, and they would cause a magnificent lights display in the dark, and would Sarah Jane like to see it?

Of course she said yes, and wanted to tell Luke, but he had already gone to bed and she didn’t want to disturb his sleep.

When she made her way downstairs at 3am, she was surprised to see the lights on in the living room, she was sure she had turned them off before she went to bed…

Uncapping her sonic lipstick, she slowly pushed open the living room door and peered inside to find… Luke and K9 watching telly?

“Luke?! What are you doing awake?” She exclaimed, and Luke jumped a little and spun round on the couch to face her.

“Oh, Mum… I, err. What are you doing down this early?”

“I came down to see an alien ship departure, it was promised to be quite a light show. I thought you were asleep, are you okay?” She said, sitting on the couch next to him. Luke smiled sadly and leaned into her hug.

“I don’t think so, Mum.” He said into her shoulder, “I don’t think I’ve been okay for quite a while.”

“Oh, my precious boy,” she pulled him closer, “What happened, what’s wrong?”

A strange mix of emotions washed through her; fear, sadness, anger at whatever had made Luke feel like this… She pressed her lips together as Luke’s breath hitched a little wetly.

“I can’t sleep, I haven’t been able to sleep for such a long time. Every time I try he’s there.” Luke clung tighter to Sarah Jane, “What if I sleep and he comes back? What if, next time I close my eyes, I can’t get out, I’m trapped, and I can never open them again? I don’t want to be stuck there again, Mum. I don’t-”

Luke buried his face into her shoulder and sobbed as she rocked him gently, pressing kisses into his hair. She wanted so badly to go back in time and punch the Nightmare Man in the face as hard as she could when she had had the chance, but Luke was more important.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She whispered to him. “You’re safe now, I promise, he’s gone, he will never come back, and he will never come near you again, not while I’m still alive.” She was suddenly filled with regret and insurmountable guilt. “I should never have let you go straight after that happened, you spent the next night on your own, and I should have realised, I should have been there, it’s all my fault, I’m so, so sorry. My poor boy, how could I have let you go like that?”

Luke looked up. “It’s not your fault, Mum! It was supposed to be normal, everything thing was just supposed to go on like normal, it’s not your fault I’m not normal.”

Sarah Jane smiled sadly down at him. “Oh, darling, that _is_ normal! Of course any ‘normal’ person would be scared to sleep after something like that happened to them! I didn’t even think about it because you’re so extraordinary, but I should never have let you go so soon!” She lifted her legs up and leant her head back on the arm of the couch so they could cuddle. “After all, you’re only about 3 years old anyway.”

Luke giggled a little hysterically, “Mum, shut up.”

Sarah Jane smiled into his hair and held him closer, until his breathing had slowed down and he slipped into some much needed sleep. 


End file.
